got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
