So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
