so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How does it feel to date your dad?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
