Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
