everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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