i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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