I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
nutella sex= disaster
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
