this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
