this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
