just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this just has baby written all over it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
