so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
