i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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