I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
