i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dicks are not precious.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
