Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
