Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
