Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
