I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
