why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am available for nakedness
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
