3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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