shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
