Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
