what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
