My hand turned me down
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
