Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
