Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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