i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
