On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
