a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
