Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I have post one night stand depression
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