did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
