Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
