Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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