I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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