That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
