he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize