so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
