Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
even my farts smell like vagina
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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