Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
