i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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