Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is Oprah even human
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
