ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
