oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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