i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
