You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
