i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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