I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
