yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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