Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she was so not down for the gang bang
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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