My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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