I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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