The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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