New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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