i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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