How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
