so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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