he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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