first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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