pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
