I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
