and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
