i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
