Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
