just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
