By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need a beard to bite.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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