i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
