I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
