i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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