Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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