i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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