it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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