My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
