if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
