whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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