so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
