he shaved USA in his pubs
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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