You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
