Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
