Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
