Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
