We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
