Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
