Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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