I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
